The Hoygan. We’ve all laughed with some of the comments which these Internet users who tend to use graphical and grammatical hieroglyphs which have spread across the world. However, laughter ends when we get hurt. It’s no joke: there are cases of neurons which have committed suicide in front of some of the most eccentrically built phrases provided by those agents of chaos, which didn’t realize the brain damage they can cause to third parties.
Before we get any further, we could define a Hoygan as: “Internet user, lingers in forums, repeatedly strikes the basic orthography norms.” That’s why they say Hoygan —> oigan (hear). It’s easy to understand.
Yes, they are, after all, endearing characters, but they’re also dangerous. Can you imagine your own blog filled with comments by one of those guys? Yeah, I know, accepting the blog comments involves us, but… Let’s picture a tragic and terrible case. What’d happen if we only have such comments in our blog? Like…
Well. There happens to be a practical solution. A plug-in, which, theoretically, will fix and cleanse the comments filled with the most common types of Hoygan.
And today we’re going to test out this tool. It’s named
Hoygan-Kill. Don’t let this hostile name mislead you guys, no – one’s gonna die! What’s with those disappointed faces? Don’t leave yet! This is about to get fun.
This tool’s purpose is “cleansing” comments. Let’s provide an example:
Someone writes this in our blog (yeah, it’s the same as in the upper image. Strong words inclusive. Cover the eyes of the kids reading this post. But I should have warned ya earlier. Now’s a bit too late… ):
We’ve got several options. 1st one is reporting this to the Haya Court because it’s a crime against humanity. Another option is to try to ignore it (and wipe it off Earth’s face). And 3rd option is applying our new Hoygan-Kill tool. That’s what we do and this is the result:
There are changes and improvements, but some neglected spots which this tool should have predicted. Let’s speak ‘bout the good spots first:
– As the tool’s site says, Capital letters which aren’t filtered content become small letters and “Ks” become “Cs”. So KaR” will become car.
– The SMS message-style word compressing is solved. 4, once corrected, becomes for.
– H letters at the start of a word which don’t fit there are fixed. Hannouncer -> announcer.
– Another detail: it also fixes typos like good mornin by good morning. There seems to be this typo out there and it’s good to fix it up.
This isn’t bad at all. But let’s check the weak spots, which involves what has or hasn’t been fixed, or has been fixed wrongly or in an insufficient manner:
– Seeing how words missing a final “g” like in “morning” are fixed, it’s hard to grasp that fixing typos which usually show up in Hoygans like swapping Bs and Vs is still in such an early stage. Not a single one got fixed in our text (bictory, vus, balley). “balley” might have been interpreted as “ball” (weird, I know) but the other two are TOO obvious.
– It did remove the H in “hallocination“, but the result is “allocination“. What the heck is THAT?
– It doesn’t spot some verbal expressions. “I beat him” always has an H. I don’t think that “I beat im” is correct.
– The compression “FYI” and similar are eliminated. But in this context it should become “For Your Information” instead of “For Your Ideas”. That’s another spot they should fix.
– And, well, the word “zick” should be “dick”. I know, someone named Dick. Dick Grayson. We were all thinking about the fellow, weren’t we?
I think that, after properly analyzing the phrase, this tool still has a lot of stuff to polish, especially in contextual spots. It must be incredibly difficult and, miracles, even if you ask a Maiden, don’t usually happen. But even so, a plug-in which intends to remove “hoyganism” can’t allow to skip “balley” or give you a correct word like “allocination”.
As a conclusion, I’d like to thank the attempt and the very noble initiative of protecting everyone’s mental and neuronal integrity, but it falls short. Really short. Let’s hope the creators of the Hoygan-Kill plug-in work harder by the time the next verion is released.
Rots of keers, zuys! Za kan duu eet!